The Science of Being a King of Kings

So you thought Mesmer Musava of the Magic Kingdom of Hugadia had a copyright to the title of “King of Kings.” Think again; apparently his handlers forgot to register the title for the exclusive use of the Master. Anybody—a business owner, a boss, husband, a policeman, a military man, a school teacher or a common village bully—may appropriate the title and put it to good use à la Masava.

Gleaned from psychology, evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, anthropology and social sciences, here are some pointers that are guaranteed to make you a king of kings of your defined fiefdom.

1. Make sure you pick the lottery number that lands you into some form of dysfunctional family circumstances. This is not as bad as it sounds. It gives you an instinctual ability to prove something since you might have had to fend for yourself when your contemporaries were frolicking with girls.

2. Since you had to fend for yourself or you might have been sent off to stay with some people with less genetic sympathy to you, you learned early that, beyond the facades, darkness lies in the hearts of men. This is very important if you are to maintain your omnipotent status as you can see through people even before they know their feelings.

3. You have learned that the cave instinct of fear still rules large in the 21st century, even when there are no more lions likely to drag you out of your pad. From fear emanates hatred, greed and delusion. Such knowledge makes you work your fellow man like a yoyo. You are the puppet master: you can make lapdogs of grown men, young men can fall over swords to ingratiate you, or your enemies are forced to run around deliriously like rabid dogs.

4. A true king of kings does not admit to mistakes—he is infallible like the Pope. Everything that goes wrong is the fault of your detractors. Everything that turns out right is because of your eminence.

5. Have some posse possessed with greed (a fear from wants) who can do whatever they want. They can make voodoo financial deals with public resources with no consequences. This way their allegiance is sealed lest you pull the rug under them.

6. Above all, be a jerk. A jerk does not accept the cosmic phenomena of impermanence and change: the weather changes; seasons change; there is day, there is night; there is birth, growth and death; fortunes are won, fortunes are lost; you name it, it has come and it has gone.

7. You should despise personal power gained by ease and generosity of heart. Instead you grasp and cling to power.

8. You should be able to operate from a hidden agenda, while coyly creating a different impression, thereby, effectively lying to engorge yourself with power.

So, if you are blessed with or can learn the above traits, you have the requisites to impose your will on others. You can become the center of gravity. The sun rises and falls on you. When you are angry, people cringe. It is your way or the high road ‘cause you are the kings of kings.