To Be Married or Not to Be Married

Some have opined that the hullabaloo about the marriage status of Mr. Olara Otunnu, the UPC presidential aspirant, is some conspiracy to derail the man’s political ambition. Outside the motives and tactics of his detractors, the marriage status of someone seeking to run a country matters.

We men are simple creatures: feed us, give us sex and stroke our fragile egos and we are good to go. All other prancing and posing—wars, theft, cheating, lying, etc—are geared to these needs. Once we have had enough at chasing illusions we may delve into philosophy sizing, religion, arcane cultures, etc. or become bitter old goats with no wisdom.

While all humans are affected by hormones and survival instincts, women are ruled by them. The result is a complicated creature that can play a man like a yoyo. From time immemorial the African has understood this characteristic of the woman. The Shakespearean Taming of the Shrew tells us that the pale man up North also has an inkling. And so, in nearly every African society marriage and ability to manage a woman is a mark of maturity. It follows then that the litmus test for leadership is marriage. A litmus test is just that: it tests the acidity of a substance, the same way a married man is presumed capable of taking greater responsibilities. It is a given.

Of course, and rightly so, we can argue that logically a man’s marriage status is not decisive leadership quality. However, the fact of the matter is that the peasants may gape in awe of PhDs and international jobs. So what? Give them what they understand as the quality of a real man who is a strategist and tactician who has successfully run the basic political domain of a household.

Mr Olara Otunnu is unmarried. Those who grew up in the sixties and seventies can understand him, but that is the subject of another story. Mr. Otunnu can argue and look defensive. Or he can pick up one of those nubile Banyankole or Bakiga girls and head to the altar. Soon the story will leak in the Red Pepper about his awesome member and how he never lets Memshahib sleep whenever he comes home from sojourns in the far reaches of Uganda. Nine months down the line there is junior, just as the campaign season is at its boiling point. And miracles do happen—next year we would be talking about president Otunnu of the United States of Uganda.
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The writer is, inter alia, a social critic and a confirmed bachelor. He believes that the keys to the fountain of youth and longevity are: great sex, good sleep, and good bowel movements. Everything else is chasing after the wind.