When a Drunk "Lieutenant" Bob Hit a Drunk Munyankole

This story would be comical if it weren’t serious. It is a true story that involved some people I know.

My friend called me up telling me about her brother having hit a pedestrian and was now in police custody. She said that the previous night her brother, the dark horse of the family and a good-for-nothing unemployed young man, took her car without authorization and went out on the town. On his drunken way back he hit another young man. He bundled the victim up, shoved him into the car, and took him to the police station accusing him of having hit his windshield with a large object. At the police station he (my friend’s brother) said he was a lieutenant from Makindye. An alert police officer, however, sensed something was not right. So, he called up Makindye telling them that he had a named “officer” in an accident. Makindye did not know of an officer called Bob for purpose of this story. The police officer then traced up the car to my friend and called her up. This is when hell broke loose for Lieutenant Bob. He was soon bundled up and put in police custody, and the hit victim released.

My friend is a hardcore survivor in the dog-eat-dog Uganda. By the time we got to the station she had already come to some tentative terms—Uganda style— with the police. She tagged me along because money was going to be involved, and she calculated I would be an asset.

The police station was a ramshackle affair in one of the populated outskirts of Kampala. We sat under a tree. Soon a police officer came and greeted us, and said he was expecting the victim soon. Since he was not in uniform I assumed he was a detective. He sounded intelligent, and I wondered why he would resort to such a shady deal.

In about thirty minutes the victim arrived. He looked forlorn and a far cry from many of the people from his part of the country who dominate the news. The police officer pressured him to accept a certain amount of dough which, after about an hour of haggling, he finally accepted. He signed a prepared document, effectively forfeiting any future claims of damage, got his money and left.

Matters were not complete yet. The handler of the case, besides the officer we were dealing with, supposedly needed something for his efforts. Once everyone was taken care of, my friend’s brother emerged from the station. I did not even hear him say “thank you” to his sister.

There is a line from a notorious white headmaster that was handed to us from seniors: Uganda is corrupt from top to bottom. The headmaster reigned in the 60s, and some of those making major decisions in Uganda now were his students. Did they learn anything? And what example are they giving to the police officer who earns pittance? He eateth where he worketh--a saying I heard from someone. Buturo is just wasting space and time since he has no power to rein in his errand colleagues who set bad examples.